Little lion.... Big step.

So, an opportunity has been laid at my feet. The question is to take that step or not. This step could lead to some great possibilities, or just be a wasted effort. All in all I feel pretty positive about this change in my career path. Normally I would be scared beyond belief, but I'm primarily just cautious and a bit nervous. I don't have much time to prepare for this decision. I think though, that sometimes that is exactly how God plans things. I know I tend to over think some things, and to much thinking can easily turn into self doubt which is problematic. God has given me the perfect amount of time, I just need to use it accordingly. In about 10 hours or so I will have made my final choice. I think I am ready to face this tiny lion. Though it feels bigger than that, I know that I can take this decision head on. With out fail my God guides & strengthens me, I only have to walk in the lighted path He has provided for me. Well enough with this jibber jabber. Hopefully I will have more to talk about tomorrow!! = )

Your life wont crumble unless you let it

It has been a while since I have blogged, and a lot has happened. I went on a cruise, which was fantastic! I got to mark a few things off of my list. But thats not what this post is about. The past few weeks have been the hardest of the year. Up to this point this year has been the most wonderful year of my life. Of course thats when Satan will attack. He has been hard at work. At times I feel like I am about to completely break. I could go on about how someone elses selfish behavior has put me in the place I am at now. But that doesn't excuse how I choose to handle it. I could;

A) let my life crumble into a hundred tiny little pieces.
OR
B) I can choose to be stronger than this.

One day I feel ready and able to take the world on. Then I get the best of me, and talk myself out of it.
I wish today was a day that I could say I was ready to chase this lion, but I'm not sure and today is almost over. I know when all is said and done I have a wonderful Savior who loves me more than I know. I want certain things out of life, but I am not guaranteed that my life is going to be easy. I have flooded my heart with scripture to keep my heart at ease. But that doesn't take the sting out. Life sucks sometimes. I don't want to have to go through tribulations, but I guess that sometimes it's what we have to do. I know with every fiber of my being that my God is bigger than this, and thet He will take care of me. But I am human, and I let things get the better of me. I have been honest, more honest than I felt comfortable with being. I don't want this to get the best of me. I would rather make the best out of every situation. It's gonna be rough. I know where I stand spiritually, and I know where my strength comes. I wouldn't have gotten this far with out it. I still have a lot to work on when it comes to faith, but I'm not giving up that easily. So, even in my moments of weakness... well I think God's words are better suited;

'And He said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'

I wonder if Heaven will have crumbe cake...

For His Glory

For His Glory

As I have mentioned before I am trying to be more kind to others. Today was one of the hardest kind things I have done. I don't want this to be an 'Oh look at what I did', mostly because I don't want the glory. I didn't do it for me. I did it for His glory. See if I did it for myself, I wouldn't have been able to do it at all. I wonder if it is still ok to do the right thing when your heart isn't in the right place. Hopefully by choosing the right path (even reluctantly) I can not only be doing the right thing but can also train my heart to want to do the right thing.

Thats one (strike that) two off the list!

Here I am Lord send me:
I'm not one for commitments. Not in the sense that 'I can't ever commit to anything', more like I'm weary of committing to something and then failing. So I guess I'm more 'not one for failure'. I've committed my Tuesday evenings to a life group. That may not seem like a big deal, and really just saying I'll show up every Tuesday isn't a big deal. What is important is the underlying commitments I made. I have vowed to earnestly put forth my all into this life group. Building genuine relationships with other Christ followers and to grow my personal relationship with God. My first 'little' commitment is to spend time each morning in prayer with God. My second 'little' commitment is to plan a social service. The first is learning to give what time I waste to God. The second brings me out of my comfort zone. Way out of my comfort zone, which is where Faith steps in. In order to succeed I have to lean on God. I must succeed, because I refuse to let Satan have the satisfaction of me failing this.

Another one bites the dust:
Something else I can mark off my list is humility. I like others am guilty of judging, but this blog isn't about 'others' it's about me. I am not perfect (in fact I'm far from it) but I don't have a habit of admitting my downfalls to others. Especially if its against them. Last night I did. I admitted my folly to the very one I offended. They may never have known, but I knew, most importantly God knew. Saying "I'm sorry" is probably the second hardest thing to do (second to saying "I forgive you"). It kinda makes one want to crap their pants.

So I have taken two (small) steps closer to my lions. I am not celebrating just yet. As I still have a long journey ahead of me, but as I promised I will write about everything. I will end with a verse that has spoken greatly to me today.

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worried about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the Earth below - indeed nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord" - Romans 8:38-39

Staying Home

Waking up this morning feeling exhausted and just not up to par, I made a call to work. I decided staying home was in my best interest. I promptly went back to sleep. Sleeping for a few more hours helped. As the day progressed I finished reading a book. Just Listen. A good read. But more importantly another book came by mail. Mockingjay. I have waited for this book for a year now. I find myself in this moment of bitter sweet. You see this book is the end. Once I read it the series is done. I have an overwhelming need to read it, but an undertone of knowing that once it is read that's it. Its done. Finished. I must know what becomes of these characters, will any of them die? Will they make a stand and win against their adversaries? Will this story end the way I want it to? Will this book be everything I have hoped it would be this past yer? The answers to these questions are of course within the book itself. It just seems that I have waited so long for these answers thinking I was ready for them, but now.... I just don't know. Perhaps I am being a little dramatic. I am sure there are those who are reading this and thinking 'It's just a book.', but I get involved in the books I read. Once I get attached to a character, breaking that attachment is hard. I'm not one of those readers who can pick up just any book and read it. There has to be that 'something' to make it more to me. And that is exactly what Suzanne Collins has done. She has created an amazing world, with the most amazing character (Katniss). Some authors have the ability to push the envelope and test your emotions. Some authors can sit down write a story that can challenge the way you look at or react to things. They can put that 'what if that was me?' question into your brain and you don't even realize it. Well Suzanne Collins is one of those authors. And her books The Hunger Games (series) are those kind of books. They're part thriller, part suspense, part action, part love story, part anything else you can think of. So sitting here telling you this gets me more excited about this one last book. Here's to hoping it's everything I would like for it to be, and hoping I can stay awake while reading it; and of course hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

Day-to-day... Day one

On top of letting everyone in on my adventures, I too will post about my everyday life. The good, the bad and the not so pretty. Easier said than done right? I promise to make every honest effort of putting all of me on this page. I am more than just lion conquering, though its becoming a big part of who Brandi is, it isn't all of me yet. This post in and of itself is a step towards the chasing of lions. I have always been closed off emotionally to a lot of people for a lot of my life. This wont be easy, but I'm stepping out there.

So,

Aug 24th 2010 it's 11:30, I'm @ lunch writing this post. Tons of things are running through my mind. Some important, some not as important as others. Some fleeting around like; What am I having for dinner tonight? Or, I like the song on the radio. Two are lasting.

First openness. Just how open am I willing to be? Sure I made the promise of being honest about who I am. but it would be easy to leave out even just the tiny things. No one would know... Except myself and most importantly God.

The second is; Kindness. Kindness is an easy word to say, not always an easy action to take. I have been earnestly trying to be better at showing kindness to others. Not just those who are kind in return, but especially those who are not. I made this choice about a month ago and a few weeks in there was a lesson on kindness in my small group at church. Funny how God works those in at just the right times.God does not request us to be kind, he demands it. Kindness in and of itself is a form of love. Christ said "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." So how do I put that into play? Well, negative thoughts lead to negative actions. If I want to be kind I have to change my unkind thoughts into kind ones. Again not so easy. I have noticed how negative my thinking can be towards certain people. That has to stop. I HAVE to purge myself of nasty hatefulness.  So, that said here goes....

The begining

Well the best place to start is at the begining. At the start of the year I decided I would live fear free. I for years have let fear control my life, and I was done living like that. So I did the scariest thing I could think of. I forgave. Not only myself, but others aswell, including my biological father. After a church service @ North Point Church about biblical people having real Faith and chasing their fears I got a tattoo that reads Real Faith Chases Lions. Since that day I have not only been trying not to live in fear but also 'chasing' my fears (lions). I have verbally expressed forgiveness to Mark. Now I want to play out my fearlessness by doing things I normally would only dream about having the guts to do. My friends Erica, Tiffany and myself are starting our 'bucket list' so to speak. Except this isn't any ordinary list. This list is the 'Things that make me wanna crap my pants' list. Yes you read that right! We will even have a poop-o-meter. And to top it all off I will blog about everything! I can't wait to get started! So.... Put on some clean undies, grab a hold of your seat, this might be a bumpy ride!!!!!