Staying Home

Waking up this morning feeling exhausted and just not up to par, I made a call to work. I decided staying home was in my best interest. I promptly went back to sleep. Sleeping for a few more hours helped. As the day progressed I finished reading a book. Just Listen. A good read. But more importantly another book came by mail. Mockingjay. I have waited for this book for a year now. I find myself in this moment of bitter sweet. You see this book is the end. Once I read it the series is done. I have an overwhelming need to read it, but an undertone of knowing that once it is read that's it. Its done. Finished. I must know what becomes of these characters, will any of them die? Will they make a stand and win against their adversaries? Will this story end the way I want it to? Will this book be everything I have hoped it would be this past yer? The answers to these questions are of course within the book itself. It just seems that I have waited so long for these answers thinking I was ready for them, but now.... I just don't know. Perhaps I am being a little dramatic. I am sure there are those who are reading this and thinking 'It's just a book.', but I get involved in the books I read. Once I get attached to a character, breaking that attachment is hard. I'm not one of those readers who can pick up just any book and read it. There has to be that 'something' to make it more to me. And that is exactly what Suzanne Collins has done. She has created an amazing world, with the most amazing character (Katniss). Some authors have the ability to push the envelope and test your emotions. Some authors can sit down write a story that can challenge the way you look at or react to things. They can put that 'what if that was me?' question into your brain and you don't even realize it. Well Suzanne Collins is one of those authors. And her books The Hunger Games (series) are those kind of books. They're part thriller, part suspense, part action, part love story, part anything else you can think of. So sitting here telling you this gets me more excited about this one last book. Here's to hoping it's everything I would like for it to be, and hoping I can stay awake while reading it; and of course hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

Day-to-day... Day one

On top of letting everyone in on my adventures, I too will post about my everyday life. The good, the bad and the not so pretty. Easier said than done right? I promise to make every honest effort of putting all of me on this page. I am more than just lion conquering, though its becoming a big part of who Brandi is, it isn't all of me yet. This post in and of itself is a step towards the chasing of lions. I have always been closed off emotionally to a lot of people for a lot of my life. This wont be easy, but I'm stepping out there.

So,

Aug 24th 2010 it's 11:30, I'm @ lunch writing this post. Tons of things are running through my mind. Some important, some not as important as others. Some fleeting around like; What am I having for dinner tonight? Or, I like the song on the radio. Two are lasting.

First openness. Just how open am I willing to be? Sure I made the promise of being honest about who I am. but it would be easy to leave out even just the tiny things. No one would know... Except myself and most importantly God.

The second is; Kindness. Kindness is an easy word to say, not always an easy action to take. I have been earnestly trying to be better at showing kindness to others. Not just those who are kind in return, but especially those who are not. I made this choice about a month ago and a few weeks in there was a lesson on kindness in my small group at church. Funny how God works those in at just the right times.God does not request us to be kind, he demands it. Kindness in and of itself is a form of love. Christ said "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." So how do I put that into play? Well, negative thoughts lead to negative actions. If I want to be kind I have to change my unkind thoughts into kind ones. Again not so easy. I have noticed how negative my thinking can be towards certain people. That has to stop. I HAVE to purge myself of nasty hatefulness.  So, that said here goes....

The begining

Well the best place to start is at the begining. At the start of the year I decided I would live fear free. I for years have let fear control my life, and I was done living like that. So I did the scariest thing I could think of. I forgave. Not only myself, but others aswell, including my biological father. After a church service @ North Point Church about biblical people having real Faith and chasing their fears I got a tattoo that reads Real Faith Chases Lions. Since that day I have not only been trying not to live in fear but also 'chasing' my fears (lions). I have verbally expressed forgiveness to Mark. Now I want to play out my fearlessness by doing things I normally would only dream about having the guts to do. My friends Erica, Tiffany and myself are starting our 'bucket list' so to speak. Except this isn't any ordinary list. This list is the 'Things that make me wanna crap my pants' list. Yes you read that right! We will even have a poop-o-meter. And to top it all off I will blog about everything! I can't wait to get started! So.... Put on some clean undies, grab a hold of your seat, this might be a bumpy ride!!!!!